Saturday, September 30, 2006

Woof or Oink?

As my close friends and family know, I am a shopper. I loooove to shop and view it as a competitive sport. I don't compete with other people to see who has the nicest stuff, I compete with the retailers to see how discounted I can get THE item I want. So I stalk stores like TJ Maxx and Marshalls on a regular basis. A relaxing morning for me is to grab a cup of coffee and do my pre-planned lap around Marshalls.

With that said, I have shown extreme restraint when it comes to shopping for Cici. Yes, I bought the stroller but that was more so out of opportunity than anything else. Not knowing a) how old she will be at referral and b) in what season our referral will come has really prevented me from shopping for her. I feel like I'd get all these clothes and they would turn out to be the wrong size for the wrong season. So I just have not shopped for her.

Last week while shopping for L and B, I found a pair of PJs that I just LOVED in a size 2T. I took one look at them and thought I MUST have them for Cici. They are made by Carters (found at TJ MAxx) and because it is a two piece I figure the sizing can be flexible. As you can see they are a gorgeous pink and green pattern. The eyes and mouth of the pig are black and I think they will be dashing on our Cici with her black hair. I am not particularly drawn to pigs. I like them, they are cute. But the minute I saw these PJs I just grabbed fast and did not give it a second thought. So I bought them. They are the first official piece of clothing I have bought for her. They hang next to my desk where I can gaze at them dreaming of the day she will wear them.

My dh saw them for the first time this morning and I said "aren't they cute?" and he gave me the typical "yep" male answer. Then I said "oh, is there a year of the pig?" and he said "no, I don't think so" and went downstairs for coffee. I then googled the Chinese zodiac and found there IS a year of the Pig (boar) and it is 2007. Hello? Is this a sign? Yeah, I thought so too!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Missing Cici

My daughter LOVES to draw. By the time I get dressed in the morning, I have at least 3 new pieces of art presented to me. She first started drawing buildings. At around 3 years old she specifically loved to draw our house and office buildings. She would proclaim to people that she wanted to be a builder. It was quite funny. A few months later she started drawing people, mostly family members and pets.

As you all know we are waiting for our daughter in China and the timeline seems to keep growing. It is bumming us all out to see the wait lenthen each month. We have tentatively picked the name Catherine for our daughter and will call her Cici. So around the house we refer to her as Cici.

Today L did the cutest thing. She said, "mom, I am going to draw a picture of Cici so if you miss her you can just look at the picture and feel better."

Here is her picture...

Monday, September 25, 2006

August 9th

So the CCAA announced last night that they have matched dossiers received up to August 9, 2005. The batch before this one was from July 14-22, 2005 totaling 8 days worth of dossiers. This batch was 18 days worth of referrals. I was bummed that they did not refer a whole month's worth of referrals (30-31 days) because that is the only way they are going to stabilize the wait which is currently 13-14 months. But when I look at the charts (thanks to M3) the last time they did 18 days was in January. However, RQ's statistics are saying that August 05 was pretty light until the end of the month so I am not sure how to read this 18 days of referrals. Is it a good sign for the future or is it just what they were capable of due to a lighter load of referrals?

Saturday, September 23, 2006


Dear Fireflies Secret Pal,

Thank you so so so much for your gift. I have been wanting these books to add to my collection but have not found them in bookstores near me. I immediately read them after opening your package and lovely note. You are the best!


Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Referrals are about to drop any day now. I am 2.5 months into what promises to be a VERY long wait for our daughter and the dragging of CCAA feet is starting to bother me. I had hoped to see signs of a speed up soon after our login to at least keep the wait at 12 months but so far it keeps extending beyond that. At the rate they are going, our referral will come in about 3 years. The thought of that makes me so so so sad.

Each month on the eve of referrals, I like so many others think, "this is it, we are going to see something hopeful this month" and we are all disappointed each time that the CCAA isn't moving towards referring full months of LIDs. So here I am once again, on the eve of referral time wanting to hope but putting on my armor instead. When I need to cheer myself up, I go here. It ALWAYS brightens my day!

Friday, September 08, 2006

I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing. Sound asleep on my side with my 7 months pregnant belly taking up most of the bed, I knew that only important phone calls came at this time of the morning. I had stopped working and was preparing for the arrival of my first child by eating, eating and sleeping. I did an akward craw to the phone and actually managed to grab it before it went to voice mail.

My friend Stephanie's voice came through the phone. She sounded deeply saddened as she told me a plane had accidentally hit one of the World Trade Center buildings. I wrestled myself awake knowing a tragic thing had happened and should go and turn on the TV. Infact, that was what she kept saying to me, "Turn on the tv, turn on the tv." Then she screamed that another plane just hit the other tower. "Oh shit" was all I could think. Not once did I think terrorism. I thought wackos. I thought of the people on the planes. I thought of the people on the 20 or so floors in each tower that had just been killed by this carnage. I pulled myself together and went downstairs. It was now just past 9 am and I am thankful for my TIVO. I had a season pass to the Martha Stewart Living show which then aired at 9 am on CBS. Instead I got the CBS morning show which was interviewing a person who had full view of the towers when the second plane hit. This person was on the phone with Bryant Gumble and in the middle of explaining what he saw of the first plane, then said that there was another plane coming. He gave a second by second account of what he was seeing including the second crash. We still have this recording on out TIVO and watch it every 9/11. We have also put it on DVD for our children to see one day.

All I could do was sit on the floor rocking my large belly hysterically crying. Then the pentagon was hit. Then I got scared. My husband called and said he was leaving his office in downtown Boston and coming home. I called my parents and woke them up on vacation in San Francisco. They both grew-up outside NYC so this was going to be particularly tough on them.

When the towers fell I think I went into a shock. By this time there was much talk of terrorism, of other cities getting hit, of the possibility of chemicals. I was truly scared. I was pregnant and scared. This was my first baby and I will tell you now, she was really, really, really, hard to get. The talk of chemicals terrified me and I started to get frantic, wanting to get away to a safer place. But where was that safer place?

Then it hit. We live in Boston. We just moved back from NYC. Was anyone we know on the planes, in the towers, near the towers, at a meeting in the towers. Well it came to pass that of all the people we know and love, there were a few close calls but no tragic losses.

I spent much of that day on the phone with my friend of 15 years, Stephanie. She was equally terrified as she was home nursing a 4-week old baby boy. Her father had flown in that morning from the west coast on one of the planes that then turned around and flew into one of the towers.

A week earlier, at my 7th month check-up, a nurse accidentally told me the gender of the baby I was having. I was so pissed. I did not want to know. I wanted to have the experience in the delivery room of the OB saying "its a....". In my usual manner, I unloaded my disappointment on my friends and family only to hear them say "OK- so what are you having???" I told them at least if I was not going to have the experience I had been looking forward to, I was going to let my husband have the experience of coming into the waiting room to say "Its a ....". So I kept quiet about the fact that I was having a girl, much to the dismay of my mother who had been dying for me to find out all along.

In my family, I am the 5th generation of first born girls. I am the eldest, my mother is the eldest, her mother is the eldest and so on. It was going to be really special for my mother to see me have a girl first. I was very set on no one knowing that I was having a girl. I at least wanted to keep that secret. However, a few days after 9/11 my parents were still in San Francisco and needed to get home. On an airplane. When they finally got rebooked on a flight, I spoke with them nearly every hour the day before they left. I was so scared to have them get on a plane. I needed my mother by my side as I had my first child. She is my best friend and I could not imagine life without her. A few minutes before I knew they were leaving for the airport, I called her. We both cried feeling this new-found fear of air travel. Then the words came out of my mouth, "I can't let you get on a plane not knowing..."she interrupted me knowing what I was doing and said "no! don't tell me. It is important to you to keep this a secret until ..." I interrupted her saying "I'm having a girl. I need you to know you are having a granddaughter." She kept my secret all the way through until L was born. We did steal out in secret to go buy pink things though.

Each year the week of 9/11 I bring out a few things I have tucked away in a drawer. The Time magazine from that week. A few newspapers I saved and some books I bought as remembrances. We watch our TIVO recording from that morning and I watch the names being read on TV. I am still struck with so much pain from that day. It is still so fresh for me. My heart and soul goes out to families and friends who did lose loved ones that day. I will never forget.