There is so much to say and while I find moments where the words come, in truth, my emotions are overwhelming my ability to get them on paper!

So let's start with the facts. Last summer and fall the CCAA (the organization in China responsible for matching babies with families, which has also recently been renamed but let's face it, after 5 years I'm really not going to start calling them anything different) seemed to start picking up the pace with referrals. Then the late fall/winter hit and they started skipping months and massively reduced the number of families matched each time. So yes, wicked depressing.

As of last September I thought my referral would be here in February. Then there was a bit of a slowdown and I thought maybe it would be May or June. Then I did this analysis in late March hoping to see us get through 6/22 in the next batch. But in a massively disappointing day in late April, the CCAA only matched families up to 6/20 which was the smallest group I'd seen yet. And let's not forget how long I've been at this referral watching/analyzing business. So I was sad.  Very very sad. I thought, okay, another push back. Looking at the numbers, I knew the CCAA would only do 6/21 and 6/22 in May's batch of referrals. I tried to wrap my head around the thought of an August or September referral for us, but that was not easy.
 
Last Wednesday, on May 25th I was happy to send birthday wishes to a very good friend, play with my children after school, and go to a book club meeting in the evening with my friends. But underneath it all, I was trying to ignore the wee small rumor that the CCAA was going to match families through 6/30 this month. nah. that just can't happen. 6/22 is such a huge day that there is no way they are going to get past that LID day. Some obscure person in Europe reported this rumor and then there was nothing. So I went to my book club and said nothing. Not even to the other mom there who in 2007 brought home her daughter from China. I was guarding my heart like a fierce beast. I would not be let down again.

Thursday, mid-morning, someone else posted that their European agency was talking about the 30th too. By Friday we had people in Canada and Europe with a 6/30 LID saying their agencies had called and they were in. THEY. WERE. IN.

So I hopped on that rollercoaster knowing full well I would enjoy the ride for a while but it could end with my head in a barf bag. I checked RQ madly each hour and reports slowly grew that the rumors were not rumors, but in fact truth.

I decided I wouldn't believe it until I saw someone with a 6/30 LID say they had a referral in their hand. But then reports came today that the CCCWA, which is the new name for the CCAA, changed their document processing box.
 

 
So are you asking yourself what does this all mean for our family? Well our LID is 7/6/06 so now that the CCAA is finished matching families with June LID's from 2006, they must start with the July families. And since we are early July, we could be next!!!

did I just say that? Could the words I might be next actually come out of my mouth and onto this blog? After so many years this is not only exciting but incredibly surreal!

Gratitude

I am not sure I have ever had a moment in my life where I have had so much to be grateful for than I do right now. Today was my last day at 5 Corners Kitchen and it was with an incredible amount of sadness that I left this afternoon. I've been trying for the past month to put into words what that place means to me but I just can't seem to find them. It was a life long dream of mine to work in a professional kitchen and I can say now that not only have I done it, but I loved it. Working at 5CK quite literally fed my soul in so many ways. The things I learned about not only food, but myself and life itself, will last me a lifetime.

The people I got to know and spend time with are gold. They became what I looked forward to most about going to work. We joked, we told stories, we made fun of each other, we helped each other out, we laughed and then today I cried. So why with all this goodness I have I left? Well, because I am lucky enough to have two beautiful children and an amazing husband who have had to suffer some pretty serious mommy and wifely neglect these past 10 months while I pursued my dream. And while we absolutely could have found a way for me to continue at the restaurant and streamline things here at home, we are also expecting another baby some time soon by way of China. Referrals keep plugging away slowly each month and the CCAA is up to 6/20/06 and we are 7/6/06 so we're getting pretty damn close.

As I close the 5CK chapter of my life, I find myself longing to wander back to the restaurant but I also want to be home preparing for our new daughter. It is a tough one. But how lucky am I to have so much wonderful in my life? So while I am sad at this moment about something that feels like a loss, I know for certain, I have lost nothing.

I really do feel like the lucky one. So here's to you, universe, thank you for all the crazy good shit you've brought my way recently. I truly am grateful!