Saturday, July 28, 2007
Umbilical Cord and the Red Thread
Adoption is beautiful. I love everything about it. I love the thought of my daughter with her dark straight hair. I love the word "adoption". I love that we are building our family through adoption. I love that we have the opportunity to not only grow our family in number but also to grow our family culturally. It has been over a year since we sent our dossier to China with the dream of the CCAA matching us with our second daughter. In the past year I love that fact that our family has embraced learning about chinese culture in anticipation of our newest member.
HOWEVER, what is really hard is this wait. It is really hard to stay connected when the wait keeps getting longer and longer. In the first 6 months it seemed like I celebrated each passing month as if I was counting down the months. But I am not. I cannot. Who knows how many months in the end we will wait. How can I count down or up if I don't know what to expect???? Lately, it seems like with each passing month I feel less and less connected with my daughter and that really makes me sad.
When I was pregnant with my first two they were connected to me by an umbilical cord but there were days that I did not technically feel them. Yeah, I got fat and wore maternity clothes so there were those reminders but it wasn't until the baby kicked or turned around that I got that jolt of "oh yeah, there's a baby in there" kind of feeling. The one thing that I miss with this adoption is that reminder- that kick- that says to me "oh yeah, a baby is coming". I faithfully wear my red bracelet, a symbol to me and the world that yes, I am expecting a baby. Adoption maternity clothes so to speak.
Well I am happy to say that today I felt the baby kick. I saw that June 2006 is through review and with a July 6, 2006 LID I am certain we are being reviewed right now. I am so thrilled to feel like things are moving forward. I know the review room makes most people nervous but most people get through it just fine. I am calling it my 18-week ultrasound. It will take a few weeks to get the results but I am thrilled we are just in the exam room!
When you are pregnant your uterus expands to hold a growing baby. With adoption, you heart does the same thing. I feel like my heart is going to explode right now. I can feel her in there. Adoption is a beautiful.